Top 10 Dating Tips for Women
- Be yourself
So this is an obvious one. You want to
be who you truly are while dating and in a relationship because you
want to make sure that the man who is falling for you, is actually
falling for you, not some made up version of who you think you should
be. Being yourself is so important because you are going to mess up,
you are going to have faults, just like everybody else does. But if
this person can see those in you, and still have a working
relationship anyway, isn't that the best for everybody? The other
thing I want to warn though, is, it is good not too reveal too much
right away. This isn't about hiding who you are, it's about getting
to know, and to trust the other person before you share too much.
When you tell your whole life story on the first date, it makes you
look like someone who is overly trusting. A complete stranger
frankly has not earned the trust it takes for you to share your life
stories and secrets. And if you are sharing those things, the other
thing it might make the other person think is that you do this with
everyone. They will feel special when you chose to tell them things
because they ARE special, and because they have earned your trust.
- Love yourself first
I know, everybody says that. But why
do they say it? Well, when we don't love ourself first, we can get into
trouble by being insecure, being overly jealous, picking the wrong
person based on what we think we deserve, and not what we actually
deserve. If you love yourself, you are likely to chose someone who
treats you well, you are likely to be secure, confident, and treat
them well. I have seen relationships work out without the love
yourself first part, but it is difficult. Relationships are
difficult enough as it is. Figure out who you are and what's great
about you, and then you will have the capacity to love someone else
fully.
- Be honest
Some people want to gloss over or sugar
coat everything. Or they don't want to talk about important stuff
the first few dates, then 10 dates go by and they still don't say
what they feel or are thinking. Be honest, like I said, don't tell
your whole life story on the first date, but be honest with yourself,
and with them. For example if you know in your heart you want to
have kids, but the person you're dating doesn't, that's only going to
escalate as time goes on. What do you truly want? What do you truly
need? That leads me to my next topic:
- Know what you want first
How can you fully be honest if you
don't know what you want first? Sometimes we don't fully know what
we want until we are already years into a relationship. But if you
are single right now (or even dating someone) I highly encourage you
to write down in a journal or somewhere, some things you want and
need in your life. Do you want to be married? Have kids? Do you
want to travel, go back to school, move across the country? Figure
out what you want and need in your life, and then you will be far
more likely to draw a person who wants those things into your life.
- Don't beat yourself up
We've all made mistakes in dating. To
a certain extent, we all carry some baggage from past relationships,
our childhood, etc. We have references for everything. However,
with your past comes knowledge, challenges you've overcome, and
confidence. Let your past be that for you. What have you overcome?
What have you gotten yourself out of that was not good for you? What
have you learned? The past can be a source of great pride if you
tell yourself how much you've learned, that you don't have to be back
there where there was pain and mistakes. Imagine it like mountains
you've traveled over to get you to the beautiful, abundant land
you're now living in. Don't beat yourself up for your past, if you
have learned from it, that's remarkable. Don't let that old way of
thinking seep into your new life. You are a different, wiser,
happier person now.
- Be hard to get
It's not good to let someone think
they've won you over easily. It's really not. That may sound bad,
but I look at it this way: the guy is thinking to myself, if it was
this easy to win her over, maybe she's easily won over by other men
too? It's a beautiful and wonderful thing to be in a relationship
where you're calling, texting, and seeing each other all the time,
but that shouldn't happen after the first date. And don't expect the
guy to do all those things right away either. You're getting to know
each other. Your best friend wasn't your best friend after one time
of hanging out, right? No, she slowly showed you she was a good
person, and trustworthy, worthy of your time, effort and energy. A
relationship is no different. Let him SHOW you he's a good guy, not
just tell you.
- Leave your past in the past
This is similar to #5. Remember that
not all guys are alike. If you were mistreated in the past, that
doesn't mean you have to be now. One thing that will really help you
in this regard is if you see ways you were mistreated before, what
did that look like? What were the signs? If you see any red flags,
put a halt on it. You now have that capability. You know what you
absolutely will not stand for, so just be on the look out. But don't
beat up the sweet loving guy you're dating now because you've dated
some jerks in the past. Just be cautious, but don't be impossible.
- Look for someone who wants ultimately to have the same lifestyle you want
This plays off of #4 a little bit. If
you want to have lots of kids, and settle down in your hometown,
that's not going to work well with somebody whose goal is to make
lots of money and travel the world. Those are two different
lifestyles. You may find that you and the person you're dating don't
want exactly the same thing, but do you want similar lifestyles? Do
things he wants, and the things you want work together? If not, as
great a guy as he might be, don't pursue that kind of relationship.
You will both end up feeling frustrated in the long run, unless you
can come to some kind of solution that works for both of you.
- Remember that looks aren't everything
I know men can get caught up in looks,
but so can women. While it is important to be attracted to the
person you settle down with, it's more important that you actually
like them. On top of that, our looks change as we get older. You
want a good, quality person, not just someone who looks good in a
suit. He has to have similar goals, and treat you well.
- Have fun!
Dating can be fun. Some also look as
it as a daunting task. Don't see it like that, because the energy
you give off will appear disillusioned. Can you have fun with it?
Think about meeting new people, trying new restaurants or hobbies.
You're looking for a good person to settle down with, but that
doesn't mean you can't enjoy the journey along the way.
Bonus: Don't rush!
Some couples I know did rush, and they
turned out okay. The reason I say not to rush, is that some
not-so-great people operate by rushing into something. I have seen
situations where people who are addicts, narcissists, etc, love bomb,
and rush their way into a relationship. Why do they do that? Well,
they know a good thing when they see it, and they know that if they
can rush the feelings of love and intimacy, once the truth comes out
about what a wreck their life actually is, the woman will be too in
love at that point to leave. And it does happen. Sometimes two
perfectly healthy, happy people can rush in because they just know
that they know. However, just a warning, this is how narcissists
operate too. They want to get a tight grip on their mate before they
can truly figure out what's going on, and once they do, they feel
they are already in too deep. Just be careful in this regard,
remember, it's about them SHOWING you they are a trustworthy, happy,
loving human being.
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