Skip to main content

5 Things to Figure Out if You Are Single



I read a book awhile back, called The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. It's a great book and I highly recommend it. One of my takeaways from that book was something he said about relationships. He mentioned there was a time in his life where he was single, and he really wanted to find the right person. He knew what he wanted, but he didn't know EXACTLY what he wanted. So he decided to write it all down. He decided to write everything down about her down to how exactly she would look. Then he asked himself something along the lines of “Now who do I have to become to attract this kind of woman?”

The reason I bring up this part of his book, is that a lot of times people date to find “the perfect mate,” but they don't even know what that really is for them. They have some idea, but when they come face to face with someone they want to date, it then gets tricky. They may allow things they may not have thought they'd ever allow because there is this sort of gray area in their mind about what is acceptable and what's not. ESPECIALLY where love is concerned. When a person falls in love, they are likely to be willing to deal with and bare the burden of a lot because they love the other person. To some extent, love is about baring each others burdens, but when it comes to dating someone who is just all wrong for you, well, that's where it can turn to pain.

Below are 5 things you should ask yourself if you're single right now:
  1. What are your must haves from a partner?
  2. What are your “never allows?”
  3. What are your would like to have?
  4. What are your would not like to have?
  5. What are some areas you need to grow?

Asking yourself these questions, helps enable you to figure out what it is you're looking for. You want to know if the person you're dating meets your standard. And that may be easy for some. Some know exactly what they are looking for, and what they don't want. However, if you are someone who has found yourself sort of wandering around in the dating world, if you have found yourself in a relationship or relationships that didn't go that well because you were allowing some not so great things to happen, then answering the questions above is a must for you. I threw in the last question, because it's not just about the other person, but it's about you as well. We all need to figure out areas where we also need to improve. It's easy to point the finger at someone else as the one to blame, but we also have to look inward and see what we could be doing differently.

When you see something written down, it somehow becomes more real. It solidifies in our minds what may have been previously rolling around without coming into full focus. I highly recommend writing it down.

What must you have? Do you need someone who is of the same faith as you? Do you need to meet someone who is willing to live in the same city as you for the rest of their life? Or someone who wants to travel? Maybe traveling is on the “would like to have” list.

What are your “never allows?” Maybe you aren't willing to be with someone who smokes ever again. Maybe you aren't willing to be with someone who speaks disrespectfully to you (amen to that!), or who drinks alcohol. I know some of these questions may sound arbitrary. “Of course I know what I want and what I don't want.” But the weird thing is, that when you meet a person in real life, it's hard to look at the facts. We want to look at the person as a whole, maybe he's charming, funny, and smart. And that's all well and good, but if your never allow list says no drinking, and he's a drinker-this is only going to cause pain and heartache down the road. So write it down to solidify it in your mind. Then stick to your own word, and don't give in to being with someone who is “great” but really doesn't have the qualities you need in a mate.




Check out my coaching services on my website:
https://townecoaching.com/services

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

10 Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago

I began thinking about what kind of article to sit down and write today.  I thought, often, I see articles that promise a list of some kind.  So, I think I'll do it too! Joking aside, I was thinking back about my life, about things I wish I had known when I was younger.  The following are some observations I've made over the years.  Hope you enjoy! 1.  Don't waste your time on meaningless/terrible jobs I've had jobs that from the moment I walked in, I knew I was going to hate it.  And then proceeded to stay for 10 years.  Why would someone do that?  You might ask.  Well, there were all kinds of reasons to do it at the time.  It paid "decent," it had flexible hours.  I was able to go to school, and still pay the bills, etc. The thing I didn't realize, was that all of these flexible hours flexed me right out of a lot of important family time.  I was working weekends/holidays, times I will never get back.  I thought it was helping me get t

Top 10 Dating Tips for Women

Be yourself So this is an obvious one. You want to be who you truly are while dating and in a relationship because you want to make sure that the man who is falling for you, is actually falling for you, not some made up version of who you think you should be. Being yourself is so important because you are going to mess up, you are going to have faults, just like everybody else does. But if this person can see those in you, and still have a working relationship anyway, isn't that the best for everybody? The other thing I want to warn though, is, it is good not too reveal too much right away. This isn't about hiding who you are, it's about getting to know, and to trust the other person before you share too much. When you tell your whole life story on the first date, it makes you look like someone who is overly trusting. A complete stranger frankly has not earned the trust it takes for you to share your life stories and secrets. And if you are sharing thos

Fear

Recently, I picked up a book again. It's called The Fear Book and it's by Cheri Huber. It's a quick read, but it is so wise. In reading this book, I learned a lot. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book: “Our world shrinks when we are paralyzed by fear of making mistakes, fear of doing something wrong. But if we simply take a step and see what happens, our world opens a little bit. Then we can take another step. Every step enlarges our view; everything we do shows us something.” (pg 12) I love this quote, it reminds me that the fear of making a mistake is not a good enough reason not to forge ahead. It is a reminder that something can seem scary or hard, but we don't know that until we take that next step to see what happens. I am finding this also helps me with my confidence. At one time, I expected confidence to come from outside sources, then at one point, I expected it to come from inside sources, but lately, I've found that I build