Red Flags
It's been on my mind lately to talk about red flags. We all know about them, we've all heard of them, but do we really know what they are? Some of us, without a doubt, can see one, and know for certain they've hit a red flag. And for some, it's a dead stop in a relationship or situation. While others, will recognize it as a red flag, but proceed forward anyway. Still others, will not even know they've come across a red flag. Now, red flags can be deceiving, and what one might think is, another would not. I thought it would be helpful to call some out here, and some what I'll call "pink" flags which means not necessarily a "terrible" sign, but something to be cautious about.
Red Flags:
Does not ever see any person from their family
Does not pay child support for their kids
Pushes, hits, kicks or in any way physically abuses you
Goes for several days without contacting you back, without reason
You catch him/her in a flat out lie
Has stood you up on more than one occasion
Speaks negatively of you to others or to your face
Bullies you in anyway
Spends more time with other women than with you
Hides a circle of friends from you
Does drugs and/or sells drugs
Has a problem with alcohol (gets drunk frequently)
Tries to convince you not to spend time with your friends or family
Is jealous of every man you speak with
Can't hold down a job
Treats service people very poorly
Has a past that seems to be not so past
In arguments, comes up with every reason why you're wrong and he is not
(No accountability for his actions)
Pink Flags:
Takes phone calls away from you most of the time
Does not ever see his or her kids
Does not respond to your calls or texts much of the time
The reason I list these as pink flags, is that there COULD be an explanation for each of these, but a GOOD explanation for any of these is rare. For example, a good explanation would be, I'm an on-call nurse, and I have to walk away to take calls because no one is allowed to hear the patient's information, for example. Even in these cases, there should always be a really good explanation. A person who truly loves and values you, and wants a real, honest relationships isn't going to give off a shady or secretive vibe. That will simply not do.
The thing to remember, is that you, as a person deserve to be loved and respected-at all times. Couples fight, they definitely do, but when a situation goes over the line, there should be a point of no return. Knowing what you will, and what you won't allow ahead of time, makes it easier for you to decide if something is a hard stop in a relationship. We tend to bring into our lives what we feel we deserve. Please know your worth. That will be one of the biggest ways to save yourself from being hurt by a user, a manipulator, or narcissist.
I know all of this is easier said than done. I have been there too. Feelings get involved, and we aren't talking about a piece of paper, we're talking about a human being who has good qualities too. But let me put it bluntly like this-everyone has some good qualities. If you are not happy in a relationship, it is a pretty good sign that something is wrong. All couples go through hard times, maybe you're mad at each other, take time apart, or don't speak to each other for a period. That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the really serious signs that you are dating a troubled person. The earlier you recognize the signs, the earlier you can get out safely. The longer time goes on, the more your life will be intertwined with theirs. Please take care of yourself. Love yourself, and the rest will fall into place :)
Red Flags:
Does not ever see any person from their family
Does not pay child support for their kids
Pushes, hits, kicks or in any way physically abuses you
Goes for several days without contacting you back, without reason
You catch him/her in a flat out lie
Has stood you up on more than one occasion
Speaks negatively of you to others or to your face
Bullies you in anyway
Spends more time with other women than with you
Hides a circle of friends from you
Does drugs and/or sells drugs
Has a problem with alcohol (gets drunk frequently)
Tries to convince you not to spend time with your friends or family
Is jealous of every man you speak with
Can't hold down a job
Treats service people very poorly
Has a past that seems to be not so past
In arguments, comes up with every reason why you're wrong and he is not
(No accountability for his actions)
Pink Flags:
Takes phone calls away from you most of the time
Does not ever see his or her kids
Does not respond to your calls or texts much of the time
The reason I list these as pink flags, is that there COULD be an explanation for each of these, but a GOOD explanation for any of these is rare. For example, a good explanation would be, I'm an on-call nurse, and I have to walk away to take calls because no one is allowed to hear the patient's information, for example. Even in these cases, there should always be a really good explanation. A person who truly loves and values you, and wants a real, honest relationships isn't going to give off a shady or secretive vibe. That will simply not do.
The thing to remember, is that you, as a person deserve to be loved and respected-at all times. Couples fight, they definitely do, but when a situation goes over the line, there should be a point of no return. Knowing what you will, and what you won't allow ahead of time, makes it easier for you to decide if something is a hard stop in a relationship. We tend to bring into our lives what we feel we deserve. Please know your worth. That will be one of the biggest ways to save yourself from being hurt by a user, a manipulator, or narcissist.
I know all of this is easier said than done. I have been there too. Feelings get involved, and we aren't talking about a piece of paper, we're talking about a human being who has good qualities too. But let me put it bluntly like this-everyone has some good qualities. If you are not happy in a relationship, it is a pretty good sign that something is wrong. All couples go through hard times, maybe you're mad at each other, take time apart, or don't speak to each other for a period. That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the really serious signs that you are dating a troubled person. The earlier you recognize the signs, the earlier you can get out safely. The longer time goes on, the more your life will be intertwined with theirs. Please take care of yourself. Love yourself, and the rest will fall into place :)
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