Limiting Beliefs

Limiting Beliefs

For this article, I don't have a lot of outside info, I could look it up, and research it. However, I thought it might be nice to share my own personal story of limiting beliefs, and in doing so, I hope to help others who may have the same kinds of thoughts/limitations.

The first job I ever had, was as a receptionist for a hair salon-I was 16. I worked really hard, did extra on top of what I was asked to do, such as helping to clean the combs, washing the mugs and the coffee pot after the employees and customers had finished with their cups. I earned that $5/hour. As I did more, and became more responsible, my boss would give me more responsibilities such as closing up, dropping the key, a couple times he even gave me a bonus. I felt extremely appreciated and valued as an employee. I realize, looking back now, that job helped me to form into the hard worker I am now. I was treated as an equal, listened to, and respected. My hard work was seen and acknowledged. It felt really good. Now some might say, well, you started off as a hard worker, and so, that is who you are as a person. And that's true, but I also found that being acknowledged for what I did, allowed me to focus in on what gave me a little bit of significance and certainty as an employee-hard work.

Fast forward 13 years. I had continued to work hard, became a waitress, and was trying to put myself through college and raise a daughter. I was taking a longer path than expected, but still got the outcome I was looking for-I earned my degree. I was so proud of myself for that. When I went in to speak to the college career counselor, she talked to me about the best thing I could do. It would be to apply as a manager at a hotel or restaurant because I already had so much experience in hospitality. This was not what I wanted to hear. However, I took her advice, decided to work up the courage to ask my current employer if I could be thought of for the position of management. I was told that while they didn't have any current openings for management, I could start as an assistant manager once a week, and then go from there. If I did well, I could be considered for a management position once one came available. Then, I waited, and I waited, and waited. No word. I built up the courage to go to the general manager once again-”Will I be able to start training to be an assistant manager soon?” I was told that the upper management decided there was no room in the budget for assistant managers, they could only afford managers right now, and there were no openings available for that. I was really disappointed. After a while, I moved on to another restaurant, but continued to work as a waitress. I never went back to the management at the previous restaurant to ask if any management positions had opened up, I had just felt a little bit brushed off, and thought they didn't want to extend an offer to me because of my personality.

Over the years, I spent time as a waitress, a receptionist, then became a medical records clerk. For some reason, the experience I had at that one restaurant clouded the way I would feel about other jobs. On one occasion, I went into my boss's office to ask if there was any reason why I wouldn't be thought of as someone who could potentially move up within the company. She said, yes, you are a hard worker, and a responsible employee. I shared with her that at a previous job, I felt like I may have been overlooked by an employer because I was a little bit too passive. She said that while we could all continually improve, she didn't see any reason why I wouldn't be able to move up if a position became available.

On the other side of the story is school. I had been a good student for a lot of years. I received good grades, and made my way through school. Early on, I knew I wanted to go to college. I struggled with what exactly I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to go to college to improve my life. At 18, I started at a local community college, sure I would have a degree in no time, and be on my way to bettering my life. Well, the years ticked by, and I still had trouble deciding what I wanted to do for a living, and I didn't just want to get a degree in anything-I knew the major I selected was very important. I changed my mind several times. I got discouraged because the closest state university at the time was highly impacted, and it was difficult to get parking, get into classes, or get a response from the administration. I talked myself out of going there. Then, at 27, and with a 1 year old daughter to take care of, I decided it needed to happen now or never, and I got into school at a local private college. I finished up my degree in two years, with honors, and I kid you not, it felt like two of the fastest years of my life.

You may be wondering why I'm discussing these things. Why am I talking about the things I did well, the things I didn't do well. The stuff I said to myself while these life events were taking place. My reason is this-I wanted you to hear my beliefs. I wanted you to hear the things I said to myself, and how that shaped my behaviors:

I thought I was a hard worker

I thought I was too passive

I felt valued at the hair salon

I felt overlooked and maybe even a little devalued at the restaurant

I thought I wouldn't be able to make my mind up as to what I wanted to do with my life

I decided I would get my degree

I decided I needed to get my degree right now

The thing that strikes me about all this is that all of these situations came about because of the beliefs I had about myself. I was a good employee, but not assertive enough to be in a place of management. I was good at school, but I wasn't assertive enough to compete with the other kids trying to get their degree at the same time and have to fight for classes, parking, etc. The part I want to share with you is that I realized that a lot of what I was telling myself was made up in my mind. Nobody ever said I was too passive to be a manager. The thing that still strikes me is that I appeared to take what somebody said (sometimes just one time, or sometimes zero times) and build an entire life around that. Employers told me I was a good employee, so I clung onto that. Teachers told me I was a good student, so I clung on to that. And that's okay, because those are good things! But what about the bad? “I'll never be able to get into classes there.” “ I can't finish my degree because I just don't know what I want to do.” “I can't be a manager, because I'm thought of as too passive.” Here's the thing I want you to take away from this. Don't take one thing someone says once (or not at all) and build your beliefs around it. If you feel like you might be too passive, and are overlooked for jobs, work on it! Little by little, do something that helps build your confidence in those areas. But don't just take one rejection one time, or a little indecisiveness and say, I can't do it! You are limiting yourself to whatever your self-talk is. Peoples lives are a summation of all the thoughts they've had and their ability to carry those thoughts out. Just like weight is a summation of how much we eat, and how much burn off. A determined person doesn't say-”If only.” Or “I wish I could.” Sure, we all have those moments of disbelief. But determined people aren't walking around for he most part saying, “I can't do this.” Be aware of what you say to yourself, and what your beliefs are surrounding certain topics. My example is one of confidence in some areas, with low confidence in other areas. I believed I was a good worker, but not enough to be a manager. I believed I was good at school, but not assertive, or decisive enough to enter a 4 year college. I could've done anything I put my mind to! And so can you! It's not about being perfect at something right away, or having perfect confidence in every area. It's about taking the steps towards what you want to do with your life. It's about telling yourself you can and will do the things that are worthwhile to you. If there are a few stumbling blocks along the way, then find a way to go around those. Don't label yourself with labels that are made up. Find a way to do the things you love. As you do, your confidence will grow in every area :)